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'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Hellsing house
Too many creatures were stirring, except for the mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
Under surveillance in case a vampire soon would be there.

The children were hidden all over the room,
Certain an encounter would happen there soon.
With Eileen in her robe and Gustav in his tie,
They impatiently waited for morning on high.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Max knew for sure there was something the matter.
Away to the window he flew like a flash,
With stake at the ready and garlic cloves from his stash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of midday to objects below.
When, what to Max's startled eyes should appear,
But a green BMW, in need of repair.

With a tall elegant driver, looking so cold,
Max knew only Lucard could be so bold.
More rapid than bats his curses they came,
And they surely set innocent ears aflame!

"I'll have your damn neck for this Nosferatu!" he boomed.
"You won't get off easy - I'll see you forever entombed!
"You've had your last laugh, you pain in the ass!
"You'd better run now, and you'd better run fast!"

In fury he cursed even kind old Kris Kringle,
Just as he saw Christopher slipping on the roof shingles.
So up to the house-top Lucard the bat flew,
Leaving skid marks and damaged car in full view.

And then in a moment, Max heard on the roof
Stumbling and cursing and then a big Poof!
As Max drew up his stake and was turning around,
Christopher came down the stairs with a bound.

"I nearly got him!" Christopher said.
"I bet Lucard wished he'd stayed home in his bed!"
Lucard tramped back to his car, clothes tattered and smoking,
While Max laughed so hard he nearly was choking.

Chris's eyes how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose likea cherry!
"I thought I could get him as he was standing below,"
Chris said as he found his hair full of snow.

They went to the window to take a quick peek,
And the smoke it encircled Lucard's head like a wreath;
He had an austere face and no hint of a belly,
And would likely have smashed Sophie's bowlful of jelly.

He looked dark and mean, a cranky kind of guy,
And they laughed when they saw him, so hard they could cry.
A glare in his eye and a set to his head,
Soon gave the children to know they'd have much to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Changing the flat with several angry jerks.
Lucard got into his car, and turned the key,
It didn't start and his anger was scary to see.

He sprang from the car and gave a flamboyant twirl,
Then a bat was aflutter in a shimmering swirl.
But Max heard him exclaim, ere he flew out of sight,
"A miserable Christmas to all, and to all a deathly bite!"
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